It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
