Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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