Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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