He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
