I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
