she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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