What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
MIDGETS
????
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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