I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
