I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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