I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
