I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
