Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
