do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
