there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it glows. i had to have it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
