pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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