Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
