oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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