Are we in a gay sports bar?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
