First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
