Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
