i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
