Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
