I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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