Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
