4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
