My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
