Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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