somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
