TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
