Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
