I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
