I'm really into asian looking animals
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
