cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
