That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
