the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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