Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
