just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
