I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sarcasm needs its own font
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
