Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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