I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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