That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
