So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
