there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
