He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
