why didn't you poke me back
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
