i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
