I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Two words: nipple clamps
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