I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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