My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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