So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
