We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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