I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
