Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
