I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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