Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
