3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
