Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
