If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
