forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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