how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
